I decided to play it cool, kissed my baby Terry good morning, picked her out of bed and snatched Tammy off his `dada`s` chest.
“Good morning Baby T, aaaaw Mama is here its okay…” and passed Tim like he wasn’t there.
“oooh hii ndio christmas sasa? Ni nini Beb” by the time he was finished talking I was gone.
I rushed to the kitchen to prepare my angels something to snack on as I made breakfast, that’s when I realized it was 7 O`clock, I was late for their daily routine, I was still feeling down and since Tim was in, I was at ease but just wanted him to go away.
Breakfast was different, I served my babies and concentrated as if we were the only ones at the dining table, Tim tried keeping busy with Terry and his `dada` but I kept filling their mouths to disrupt their conversation.
How dare he spoil one of my special days, how dare he see no worth of spending time and creating a culture of family Christmas together, oooh hell, it will take another year if he would say he will make up for it, this were the thoughts fighting for space in my head.
We had a major brawl, Yes, in front of the kids, big mistake I know, but I had no time of minding my mannerism, I had to deal with him, I wanted to piss him off so he could leave the house.
I had to remind him of how important Christmas was to me and how it is important it be important to our kids too, how I missed the opportunity to laugh and have fun with my family knowing he would be around, how I missed having him around, how I got pissed of how he played with my food last night, how I….i was fire, but he wouldn’t bulge.
“umemaliza” was Tim`s calm response.
I felt defeated and just stared at him with so much rage, I hated him so much but the love was deeper, I felt like I should let him be accountable for what he did yesterday, because if I did not he would do it next and next time again.
I thought about how I hated fighting in my marriage, how I imagined my marriage to be, peaceful, ever loving, trusting, a space for each of us to thrive better, a space to give meaning to our existence and hard work.
I looked at him and remembered how he struggled to have me, I was not about to change our vision over this. He was mine.
“get yourself together, and prepare my bag, I will be headed to Voi, there is a new deal and we need to set up office in Voi before new year, bear with me for now,” Tim took `dada` and Terry outside. Left me still staring at him.
Well three days to new year and Tim was back with goodies and all kind of kindness, he looked a bit skinny and sweaty and rough, I could tell his beard was grown and he had sunburns.
I was glad to have my husband back, who knows what hell he has been through. Though he kept in touch during the trip, he never sounded how he now looks like apart from being fatigue, in our conversations we talked about our little brawl and promised each other not to do that again.
We had promised each other a heart to heart conversation when he came back. I waited for him to freshen up, we had our dinner, did the dishes as he mingle with the girls till he put them to bed.
I am a hopless romantic, had made something special for us at our balcony overlooking the beautiful garden next to the pool, our room was on the first floor and I loved unwinding there.
I had set his favorite red wine, some chocolates, berries, crisps and nuts. Music was playing on the background, my oldies and this time it was the song `Total eclipse of the Heart` I have never had enough of itand Tim got to love it because I did.
This time I did something out of the norm, I laid my favorite soft pillows on my beautiful carpet, had some warm blankets and had the Christmas twinkling lights on, I thought here is my Christmas and Tim was here, what else could I ask for?
Wait for it, I also unpacked his bag and had put his documents aside so that he would take me through them and the partnering deal and what it meant for him, for us.
Well, we had a beautiful night, one thing led to another, from catching up on our favourite balcony seats, one thing led to another, we had our beautiful moments, at some point we promised to be more prayerful and supportive and be the best partners and parents to our babies, we even went to check on them and prayed with them. It was midnight but it seemed so early.
We settled down on the pillows I had set for the night, I saw him pull the work file next to him and asked me why it was there. He looked at me and I politely asked him to update me.
He was hesitant and started giving me excuses like; can`t it wait till morning, and since when have I been interested in what he does…blab la bla.
I was still in the happy mood, I pulled it off his hands in a playfull manner, he struggled to pull it back and after a minute or so, I realized this was serious, I did let him have his file, but he accidentally let it out of his hands and vwalaaaa!
TILE TESH, and her passport like photo attached to one of the documents that had her name as the Managing Director.
Suddenly, Tim was holding me tightly in his arms, remember we were still on the floor so I was near the documents and could also read part of the shit of paper, how possible? How come? Why?
This was a deal with the devil, I was not ready to live on, breathe on, I just wanted Tim to let me go…
End of part 2