I love my baby but not the feelings

Hi, since i entered this channel i have been contemplating confessing my wrong doings, but today i have had the courage to jot down what is stressing me, since i can’t hold it in any longer.

Hope this will remain anonymously in the group. Well, i am a university student, who was undergoing a painful break up and decided to have a one-night stand with a virgin to forget his pain, two years ago.

Instead of stopping the one night stands or rather being careful with protecting himself, the girl became pregnant and so in love with me, but then i wasn’t feeling anything.

Due to the situation, i told the girl to move in with me, since she had been disowned by her parents. Since i couldn’t provide for her, she went and stayed with my aunt for six months until she gave birth to a very beautiful baby girl.

During the course of those six months, i fell in love with a very interesting girl, a girl who was wild, intelligent and knew how to treat a man right.

We had countless escapades until the girl, whom both our families refer to her as my wife, came back with the baby.

I stopped cheating hoping that i will fall in love with the girl, but three years down the line i still feel nothing.

I love my baby, and will do anything for her, but not the mother. The problem is that the mother said that if i break up with her i will never see my baby.

This has affected even my sexual performance in that i can’t get it up during our conjugal escapades, and if once in a while i manage to get it up, i can’t cum unless i think about another girl of my fantasies with features that i admire.

But i hide my feelings so well, and tell her i love her when i really don’t, but she indeed does love me and that’s why i am scared to tell her this confession because it will hurt her and i will end up losing the baby.

I have curved her a wonderful life here at the university, and now that her parents have accepted her back and are willing to keep paying her fees, should i just gather up some courage, up and leave?

My mind keeps telling me to leave but my fear is that if i leave, i may never find a woman who loves me with utter admiration the way she does.

Finding love is hard, that i know, but i just don’t feel her the way a man should feel a woman, and i am scared that i may cheat one of these days. Anyway, i guess that’s life.

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